Synovial Sarcoma - Online Support Group

Back to a "Normal Life"


Hi all,
I was diagnosed with a recurrence of SS after 13 years this past February. I had two rounds of AIM, four weeks of radiation, and then surgery to remove the 12 cm. The pathology shows good margins were achieved. I just had my 42 staples removed and will start PT in about a week to strengthen my back muscles and core to help me stand up straight. My goal is to get off of the pain meds and get back to work by the middle of October.

The strange thing is that I feel scared to get back to my normal life. Has anyone else experienced this? I've been off work for 6 months and can't imagine being able to work 8 hour days as the office manager of a crazy busy middle school. I don't know if I can think quickly and multi task like I'll need to. Plus, I feel like I will have a hard time getting my mind off of cancer and will be looking over my shoulder all the time, waiting for another recurrence.

I should be happy that the treatment and surgery were successful, but instead feel strangely depressed that it's coming to an end.
Am I nuts our what?


Do you feel like you have chemo brain?



I feel the same way. After two years of been cancer free, I still have a hard time going back to my “normal life”, even more so when it comes to college and college life.

I, too, felt a little depressed when my treatment came to an end and I still miss it. It’s kind of weird. I never looked at cancer as something “bad”. It’s all I knew for a whole year and it’s taught me a lot of things and helped me grow as a person.

Idk, I still have such a hard time “going back to normal”.


Hi Sheryl,

This is normal. When my sister was out of her regular routine for chemo, surgery and healing, she was nervous about getting back in to the main stream. This is because hospitals et al replaced her exisitance of going to work, seeing family & friends et al. Once she was given the go-ahead she had to replace the hospitals with her regular life of work and all.

Once you get back to work...each day will build on your comfort level.

Basically, change is scarey!

Best wishes and good health...Jessica


HI - I am taking votrient to keep my tumors in my lungs stable and hope for shrinkage. I've had two reoccurences since 2012 and I've been off of work since Jan of this year. I am having the same problems. Part of me wants to work and move on with my normal life (being home depresses me) but I don't feel I'll be able to keep up. I worked in a fast paced environment that requires mental and physical strength. Am at the point that I need to do something. I'm going to start making short term goals on getting stronger and boosting my endurance. Making 3 month goals seems doable to me so I will start with that. I do go to yoga (restorative/stretching) classes and that helps to keep me peaceful. It's alot harder than I thought but I don't want to commit to a job full time that I don't feel 100% ready for. I think that will be counterproductive in my recovery. I wish you the best!


Hi Sheryl:

I know exactly what you mean. My son is dealing with a recurrence and we've been in "fight or flight" since February. Every time I think of the end of treatment a part of me gets really scared. I had to really analyze why and I think it's because, having been through it before, I know that this is when I have to address all those feelings I haven't had the time to deal with because I've been in my warrior mode, trying to stay positive for my son but working like hell to get him the best care possible. Last time all the tears came when everything slowed down and life moved on. It's also hard to imagine "happily ever after" when so much about you and your life has changed, but it can...and will... happen. :) Counseling to process everything may be a good idea. Just know this is normal and I wish you all the best.



Sheryl, I know exactly how you feel.
I gave up everything I was going to be to follow my dream, ski.
4 years have passed and I don't regret it, I couldn't see me in an office anymore, that was a "wast of life",
Whatever you do, follow your heart.


Thanks for your replies everyone. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one. I guess "normal" can look a lot of different ways. I'm just going to take it a day at a time and see what my new normal looks like. I'm not ruling out seeing a counselor to help me out.
All the best to you all,