I just spoke with my oncologist yesterday morning. After the last year and a half since diagnosis my tumor is still contained yet still growing, and some of my symptoms have been increasing as my tumor continues to put pressure on my arm I've asked her to schedule surgery for an amputation of my left arm. This has not been an easy decision. And I still don't know that it is the right one. But I honestly feel I have no other choice. My scans from Friday confirm no spread and continued growth. I will be meeting with them to come up with a plan but right now I'm scheduled to meet with the surgeon next Wednesday April 1st for a tentative surgery date of the next day, April 2 for the amputation. That's where I'm at.
Someone asked me what changed to make me decide like this, since I have been so against it all this time. I spoke of fear. That is true. Also, the realization that it is still growing and that symptoms are increasing. I can't deny it anymore like I have been since January where it showed growth again. My tumor is a constant reminder that every day billions of cancer cells are fighting against my body trying to cause damage and spread. I used to believe I could keep my cancer contained indefinitely. I still don't know that I will necessarily live any longer with it. That is my way of coming to terms with something that I do not fully believe in. I am just not very confident going into surgery at all.
Any thoughts are much appreciated.
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