SS is so strange. You can be perfectly healthy and bang! Or, you can be a pack a day cig smoker who lives on taco bell and bang!
During treatment, I like most of you saw the gamut. I lost faith in many things by watching amazing children die slowly for no rhyme or reason. It was torture to watch them endure suffering on a daily basis as slowly they turned gray, weakened, and eventually were gone...
This week marks the birthday of my friend Kim who died in her early twenties of ES. She started about the same time as I did and we instantly hit it off. I became close to her husband and considered her like a sister. She was truly "angelic."
When she died, I couldn't believe it. I had seen so many pass from my support group, but why Kim? Why Ian? Why not me? In my opinion these were good kids that deserved to live much more than I did. Kim was looking forward to having children one day and was still going to school when possible. WHY KIM?
The why me is an easy answer for me now. It's obvious, but I had been searching for deeper meaning. The answer was always there, I just didn't want to acknowledge it.
The answer is that our lives are random. The outcome and luck of the draw is as random as a scratch off ticket. Kim died, I lived, no reason, just bad cards.
I love you Kim. Thank you for making me smile everyday.